Can I afford to go on a date?

Not all of our single members are wealthy. In this time of recession some are hard up and looking for ways to cut back on expenditure. Are you tempted to save money by not going on dates? This is a very real question for many of our singles. So what is the answer? Well, perhaps we can look at it from a number of angles.

Can you afford not to?

If you want to have deeper relationships with other singles in the church, and if you want to encourage a brother or sister, then going on dates is something you cannot afford to do without. Remaining isolated and, potentially, lonely, is not going to help your mood - especially if you have money worries. A different approach to dating might be needed - but dating itself should not need to be sacrificed simply from a lack of money. If your heart is in encouragement dating you will find a way to make it work - money or no money.

The three “W”s

Penny (my wife) and I were students when we met. Money was not plentiful. We started to go out together and became known amongst our friends for what they called our wet and windy walks (the three “W”s). We went to the cinema once a year, ate out about once a year, and had one holiday in three years. Most dates were a walk down a Birmingham canal, or in the park followed by dinner at her place or mine or a pint in a local pub. Next year will be the thirtieth anniversary of us meeting, and this year has seen our 25th wedding anniversary. We are still together and in love. The foundation of our enduring relationship was spending time together talking. You don’t need money to talk. The Bible says it so well - “Better a little with the fear of the LORD than great wealth with turmoil. Better a meal of vegetables where there is love than a fattened calf with hatred.” (Proverbs 15:16–17 NIV)

Who pays?

Many single Christian men I know feel obliged to pay for everything on a date. They feel embarrassed if they cannot pay for the transport, meal, cinema ticket, ice cream etc. There is a time and place to shell out for everything (birthdays, for example), but most single Christian women I know are not looking to be showered with money. Indeed I have seen many relationships ruined by too much money - “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.” (1 Timothy 6:10 NIV). Spiritual single women are encouraged if a date is planned well in advance, if the brother shows up on time clean and reasonably well dressed, if the expectations as to who pays for what are clear beforehand, if the brother is more interested in listening to her than sharing all his stories, and if he treats her with pure motives and actions.

One final point. In the traditional marriage vows there is the line, “For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer”. If you want to get married I guess you would want to marry someone who can handle life together with little money. If so, dating now, when you have limited funds, is a good time to practice for future times when money may be scarce.

Most of the rest of the world would laugh at our concern with spending money on dates, and so would our Bible forebears. Perhaps we should too. So, my single brothers and sisters, don’t fret about money. Instead, put the energy into being creative about that next date.

Malcolm Cox (Nov 2010)